When gratitude doesn't come easy
Gratitude gets a lot of airtime this time of year. We're told to count our blessings, name what we're thankful for, hold space for all the good. And that's beautiful when it flows naturally — when your heart is already full and the words come easy.
But what about when they don't?
What about when you're sitting at the table and all you can feel is the weight of what didn't happen this year? The prayers that seem unanswered. The goals you didn't meet. The version of yourself you thought you'd be by now.
Here's what I've learned: gratitude isn't always that warm, glowing feeling we see in the highlight reels. Sometimes it's quieter than that. Grittier. Sometimes you have to dig for it — not because you're ungrateful, but because life is complicated and grief and disappointment take up space too.
And that's okay.
Gratitude doesn't erase the hard stuff. It just refuses to let the hard stuff be the only story.
There's something powerful that happens when you sit down — maybe with a journal, maybe in prayer, maybe just in the quiet of your own mind — and sift through the rubble of a difficult season looking for the gifts that were there all along. The friend who showed up. The strength you didn't know you had. The moment you chose to keep going.
It's not about toxic positivity or pretending everything is fine. It's about anchoring yourself to what's real and true, even when it's small. Especially when it's small.
Because here's the thing: anxiety and gratitude can't live in the same moment. Not really. Anxiety pulls you into what might go wrong. Gratitude roots you in what already is. When overwhelm starts to take over, gratitude becomes the thing you reach for — not as a feeling you have to manufacture, but as a practice that steadies you.
So if gratitude feels hard right now, start even smaller than you think you need to.
Go outside. Stand barefoot in the grass if you can. Let the earth hold you for a minute. Feel the sun on your face and just breathe. That's it. That's the practice.
Or get in the shower. Even if you can’t reach a river, lake, or ocean, water still carries a natural energy that can help us feel grounded and renewed. Immersing yourself in a warm shower or bath can help move stuck energy, encourage lymphatic flow, and wash away tension, leaving space for calm and clarity. November’s quiet, reflective energy invites this simple practice to release what no longer serves you and reconnect with your own rhythm.
Take a walk with no destination. Move your body and let your mind wander. Sometimes gratitude shows up best when you're not looking for it.
If you keep a prayer journal or any kind of record of what you've hoped for, go back through it. Look at the prayers you forgot you prayed. Notice the ones that were answered in ways you didn't expect. Let yourself be surprised by how much has shifted, even quietly.
And if none of that feels possible today? That's okay too. Some days the practice is just making it through. That counts.
This season isn't about performing gratitude or doing it perfectly. It's about finding your way back to center when life pulls you off course. It's about filling your own cup — not because you're empty, but because you're worth tending to.
You don't have to be overflowing with thankfulness to be doing it right. You just have to be willing to notice the good, even when it's tangled up with everything else.
That's the real work. And it's enough.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-30
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